Headline Prophet

NATION FINALLY BREAKS DOWN AND BEGS ITS SMART PEOPLE TO JUST FIX EVERYTHING

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

NATION FINALLY BREAKS DOWN AND BEGS ITS SMART PEOPLE TO JUST FIX EVERYTHING prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2015.

TheOnion.com wrote this headline, not me - but I predict it will actually come true one day, in an example of life-imitates-parody: "WASHINGTON�Overwhelmed by the frustration of being utterly unable to solve any of the numerous difficult problems it faces, a worn-out nation finally broke down Thursday morning and begged its smart people to please just fix everything now. Admitting they had "absolutely no idea what the fuck [they were] doing," millions of Americans immediately ceased trying to manage the country's large-scale, ongoing disasters and pleaded with U.S. scientists, economists, educators, philosophers, and inventors to intervene and make things better again......" http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-finally-breaks-down-and-begs-its-smart-peop,26450/

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POLICE USE EGGS TO CURB NOISY DRIVERS

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

POLICE USE EGGS TO CURB NOISY DRIVERS prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2020.

An analysis will show that the most efficient manner to deal with horn honking and possibly other moving traffic violations will be for traffic officers to carry "police eggs". These eggs will be fragile, filled with dye, and designed to shatter against the moving vehicles they hit. Drivers hit by these eggs will not be required to stop or otherwise engage the police officer (though when these programs are first introduced they may certainly want to!). Officers working their usual beat from sidewalks and motor carts will carry a number of these eggs in their holsters. When a violation is spotted they will hurl an egg at the scofflaw vehicle and strike it. No ticket will be issued as the "fine" will be implied in the trouble the vehicle owner will need to clean up. The officer will be under some restriction to never hit a windshield or to utilize the tactic where it will render a target vehicle unsafe to drive. Noise complaints in large cities will drop dramatically.

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LAST PROGRAMMING LANGUAGE DRIES UP

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

LAST PROGRAMMING LANGUAGE DRIES UP prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2014.

All the great libraries and frameworks will take over the spectrum of program and application development. There will be no programmers, only "developers".

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THIS PROPHET TO SPEND BEAUTIFUL AFTERNOON IN BRYANT PARK NYC

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

THIS PROPHET TO SPEND BEAUTIFUL AFTERNOON IN BRYANT PARK NYC prophesized to be seen by 08-23-2011.

This prophet will spend a beautiful afternoon in Bryant Park today. The lawn is free and beautiful, the carousal singing and magical! Sources say I will have a wonderful time.

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CASEY ANTHONY CRIES ON DR. PHIL

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

CASEY ANTHONY CRIES ON DR. PHIL prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2012.

Casey Anthony will appear on the Dr. Phil Show and shed tears for the audience. She will weep for her situation and tell everyone they just don't know her.

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ODDS DECREASE THAT GUY WILL USE SPOON CORRECTLY

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

ODDS DECREASE THAT GUY WILL USE SPOON CORRECTLY prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2012.

With each passing minute it becomes increasingly obvious that that guy will not hold or otherwise maneuver his spoon correctly as he eats a Bar-B-Q rice and noodle lunch from a Styrofoam tray. Rather than delicately balance the spoon with a pinch that begins in the middle and aligns along the spoon's stem toward the top, the guy will obviously and likely through the complete duration of his lunch, continue to grasp the spoon with his entire fist, and shove each bite directly into his mouth oblivious to our wait for him to stop and re-situate correctly.

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DAVID LETTERMAN ANNOUNCES RETIREMENT

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

DAVID LETTERMAN ANNOUNCES RETIREMENT prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2016.

It's likely going to happen within 5 years. He's getting up there and probably will want to dedicate more time to his family and leisure. He will forever remain great though.

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MOODY DOWNGRADES U.S.

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

MOODY DOWNGRADES U.S. prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2012.

It's only a matter of time before Moody's follows suit with S&P and recognizes America's irresponsible attitude towards its debt problems.

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BOULEVARD OF DEATH

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

BOULEVARD OF DEATH prophesized to be seen by 09-01-2013.

Yet another clueless pedestrian will ignore traffic lights and be struck by a car on Queens Blvd, prompting a media flurry of pretend shock, and more annoying barriers built on the medians.

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MANY AMERICANS RECALL TEA PARTY WITH FONDNESS

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

MANY AMERICANS RECALL TEA PARTY WITH FONDNESS prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2015.

The Tea Party has earned the disrespect, suspicion, and distrust of Main Street America. They were more than perfectly willing to crash America and cede its resources to foreign powers just waiting for us to collapse. The Tea Party is drying up and will eventually putter into history as just another freak show in passing, in American political history. In some 5 years or so, many people, those involved with it mainly, will remember it fondly.

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OBAMA RE-ELECTED - VOTERS PUNISH REPUBLICANS

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

OBAMA RE-ELECTED - VOTERS PUNISH REPUBLICANS prophesized to be seen by 11-11-2012.

Despite the best efforts to cast Americans as non-critical and unmoved by the preceding administration's complicity in the current economic climate, Obama will ultimately be seen as the best and decidedly more sincere choice between he and another Republican contender. Americans do/will realize that some things are within the President's sphere of influence when it comes national financial policy, and some not. They will acknowledge that among the areas where he can be effective, he has been and will continue to be.

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HIGH WINDS BLAMED IN TRAGEDY

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

HIGH WINDS BLAMED IN TRAGEDY prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2038.

That Indiana stage collapse made me think that high winds can be blamed for everything, eventually.

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STANDARD & POOR'S RECORDKEEPING CHALLENGED!

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

STANDARD & POOR'S RECORDKEEPING CHALLENGED! prophesized to be seen by 08-20-2011.

Standard & Poors Record keeping challenged. As a result of the incorrect data presented to the whitehouse pertaining to the triple AAA credit downgrade,goverment officials are auditing their records to ensure accuracy.

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THE ENTIRE WORLD POPULATION HAS DIED. NOBODY CAN READ THIS HEADLINE!

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

THE ENTIRE WORLD POPULATION HAS DIED. NOBODY CAN READ THIS HEADLINE! prophesized to be seen by 12-12-2012.

A combination of aids, cancer, and drug abuse has lead to the extermination of the entire population.

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WORLD EXPLODES

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

WORLD EXPLODES prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2038.

total apocalypse

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GIANT CUNT CRUSHES MANHATTAN

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

GIANT CUNT CRUSHES MANHATTAN prophesized to be seen by 06-02-2037.

On the start on Tues. Jun 2 2037 a Genetic Experiment gone horribly wrong stormed the south side of Manhattan. The dripping mess smashed car's and building later that day in the metropolitan area. At 4:51pm the Cunt was engaged by a specialized task force. Soon the Cunt was smothered by bazooka shells and the Navy Black Hawk arrived on the scene quick enough to Penetrate the oozing twat. Although the Cunt lies dead rumors still persist of other cunts planning in the wild.

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GIRLFRIEND PREGNANT

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

GIRLFRIEND PREGNANT prophesized to be seen by 08-08-2011.

duh

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INDIA IS THE NEW SUPER POWER OF THE WORLD!!

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

INDIA IS THE NEW SUPER POWER OF THE WORLD!! prophesized to be seen by 04-04-2022.

India Becomes the World Leader. Followed by United States of America

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US GOVERNMENT ABANDONED AS DEMS, REPS BASH HEADS

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

US GOVERNMENT ABANDONED AS DEMS, REPS BASH HEADS prophesized to be seen by 08-05-2012.

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SOLO-SHOW BREAKING RECORDS

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

SOLO-SHOW BREAKING RECORDS prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2012.

Solomon has now scored 45 goals in 12 matches.

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FARTS ON THE LOOSE: WHO TO BLAME - BUTTS OR BUSH?

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

FARTS ON THE LOOSE: WHO TO BLAME - BUTTS OR BUSH? prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2029.

We all fart. Yes, even rhino babies. But who started it? Me? You? George Bush? Yes, it was George Bush.

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AAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA IS A OLD SKULL WORD

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

AAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA IS A OLD SKULL WORD prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2012.

hihihihi rsrsrss and kkkk is the new hahahaha

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FAGGOTS TAKE OVER THE WORLD

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

FAGGOTS TAKE OVER THE WORLD prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2038.

fags everywhere.

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NED LAWRENCE PRESIDENT OF NEW ZEALAND!

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

NED LAWRENCE PRESIDENT OF NEW ZEALAND! prophesized to be seen by 05-04-2015.

its TRUE!

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NEW PETITIONS AGAINST TAX

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

NEW PETITIONS AGAINST TAX prophesized to be seen by 06-19-2024.

Washington, DC -- New petitions against tax raised today in no relation whatsoever to world-shattering headlines above. People who ignored what most certainly would be the catastrophic doom and end of the universe this afternoon to protest in Washington were very adamant that tax not go through, sources say.

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DOW JONES REACHES LOWEST POINT EVER

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

DOW JONES REACHES LOWEST POINT EVER prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2026.

AP - The Dow Jones reached its lowest point ever today of 500 points in the stock market. After much applaud, the United States president, Anonymous, claimed it was a miraculous feat and that there would be many more great feats to come.

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IM THE KING

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

IM THE KING prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2012.

KIINNNNNNNNGG

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FIRST WOMAN ELECTED AS US PRESIDENT

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

FIRST WOMAN ELECTED AS US PRESIDENT prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2012.

In a historical verdict, Americans have elected their first woman president to lead the country through the current crisis.

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HEADLINE PROPHET WILL SANITIZE IT'S INPUT SOON!!!

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

HEADLINE PROPHET WILL SANITIZE IT'S INPUT SOON!!! prophesized to be seen by 08-07-2011.

Target: http://www.headlineprophet.com/vprophecy_pub.php?pid=%SQL-code-here% DB Detection: MySQL >=5 Method: GET Data Base: headlineprophet Table: hlp_registered_prophets Total Rows: 14 Portal_Password Portal_Username Portal_User_ID Portal_Security_Level Portal_Security_Status Portal_Validation_Key Portal_Validated Portal_Validated_IP Portal_Screenname Portal_Karma_Score

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STAGGERING INFLATION CRASHES U.S. ECONOMY FOR GOOD, SENDS WORLD MARKETS INTO UPH

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

STAGGERING INFLATION CRASHES U.S. ECONOMY FOR GOOD, SENDS WORLD MARKETS INTO UPH prophesized to be seen by 08-03-2013.

Nuff said.

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VANCOUVER WIFI

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

VANCOUVER WIFI prophesized to be seen by 05-20-2030.

Vancouver will decide to ban all wifi routers as they contribute to brain tumours

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ANONYMOUS WINS, GOVERNMENT GIVES UP

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

ANONYMOUS WINS, GOVERNMENT GIVES UP prophesized to be seen by 06-15-2013.

It's anonymous vs. the government, only one sentence is needed LOL

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MAN WAKES UP HUNGOVER TOMORROW

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

MAN WAKES UP HUNGOVER TOMORROW prophesized to be seen by 08-08-2011.

IM DRUNK

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YAADADA

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

YAADADA prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2024.

ohyeah whatever

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BITCHES AINT SHIT

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

BITCHES AINT SHIT prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2038.

but hoes and tricks

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JUSTIN BEIBER DIED!!!!!!!!11!!

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

JUSTIN BEIBER DIED!!!!!!!!11!! prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2012.

Fuck Yeah!

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SUPERSTAR GRANT IN LIMELIGHT.

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

SUPERSTAR GRANT IN LIMELIGHT. prophesized to be seen by 11-09-2020.

He finally achieved his goals in life on his monumental birthday.

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BRAZILLIANS NOW MAKE UP LARGEST PORTION OF GAMERS.

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

BRAZILLIANS NOW MAKE UP LARGEST PORTION OF GAMERS. prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2016.

Huehuehuehuehuehuheuheuheuheuheuheuehuehuehu

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NIGGERS WILL NIGGER AROUND

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

NIGGERS WILL NIGGER AROUND prophesized to be seen by 12-31-2012.

they are niggers after all

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PERA EATS LARGE GAY MAN'S FEASES

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

PERA EATS LARGE GAY MAN'S FEASES prophesized to be seen by 08-08-2011.

Yuck, bet he loved every bite though!

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OBAMA TO REPEAL OBAMACARE

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

OBAMA TO REPEAL OBAMACARE prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2012.

this just in.. obama has etc etc etc

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AMERICA FALLS!

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

AMERICA FALLS! prophesized to be seen by 09-01-2018.

America's reach spread to far and thin. Collapse just like the Roman Empire!

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JASON COMPLETES GRAD SCHOOL

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

JASON COMPLETES GRAD SCHOOL prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2025.

He finally finished school after all these years

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LEAGUE OF LEGENDS BECOMES THE MOST PLAYED GAME EVER !

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

LEAGUE OF LEGENDS BECOMES THE MOST PLAYED GAME EVER ! prophesized to be seen by 08-14-2013.

League of Legends becomes the most played game ever !

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OBAMA ELECTED TO 2ND TERM!

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

OBAMA ELECTED TO 2ND TERM! prophesized to be seen by 11-05-2012.

Obama beat Michelle Bachmann last night winning his second presidential term.

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2038

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

2038 prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2038.

THE WORLD IS GOING UNDERRRRRRRRRRRRR

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CGNFGNFG

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

CGNFGNFG prophesized to be seen by 08-12-2011.

dfbfbfd

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KYLE AKA RAYN AKA MIKA FORTO STOPS BEING A WHORE!

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

KYLE AKA RAYN AKA MIKA FORTO STOPS BEING A WHORE! prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2012.

cuz lulz

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FIRST MANNED MISSION TO MARS IS A FAILURE, 3 DEAD.

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

FIRST MANNED MISSION TO MARS IS A FAILURE, 3 DEAD. prophesized to be seen by 01-18-2038.

Engineers forgot to factor in the 2038 problem.

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MONKEY RESURRECTION

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

MONKEY RESURRECTION prophesized to be seen by 11-11-2013.

Monkeys will come back from the dead. Only they're not dead. They're just monkeys.

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MRS MIGGINS LEAVES GATE OPEN!

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

MRS MIGGINS LEAVES GATE OPEN! prophesized to be seen by 07-16-2022.

Well, she is getting on a bit..

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CANADA TAKES OVER USA

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

CANADA TAKES OVER USA prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2020.

Canada ran out of beer and lost the stanley cup. The rioting began in Toronto and soon crossed the borders into Detroit. Meanwhile Vancouver rioters get on buses and boats and begin to flood south....

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ANONYMOUS LEAKS DOCUMENTS DETAILING US GOVERNMENT COMPLICITY IN 9/11

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

ANONYMOUS LEAKS DOCUMENTS DETAILING US GOVERNMENT COMPLICITY IN 9/11 prophesized to be seen by 02-11-2013.

One day...

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GAS PRICES HIT 100 BUCKS A LITER

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

GAS PRICES HIT 100 BUCKS A LITER prophesized to be seen by 08-14-2034.

It's was unpredictable!

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ISLAM BANNED IN BRITAIN

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

ISLAM BANNED IN BRITAIN prophesized to be seen by 04-04-2032.

It will happen...

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BRETT FARVE UNRETIRES AGAIN!

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

BRETT FARVE UNRETIRES AGAIN! prophesized to be seen by 08-12-2012.

Brett Farve has reportedly signed a contract with the Cincinnati Bengals looking to shine his already impressive resume with some more touchdowns and passing yards. Chad Ochocinco could not be reached for his view on the matter.

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PEACE!!!!!!!!!

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

PEACE!!!!!!!!! prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2036.

It's world peace.

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BOMB BLAST HITS LONDON 2012 OLYMPICS

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

BOMB BLAST HITS LONDON 2012 OLYMPICS prophesized to be seen by 07-31-2012.

mog

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DFGSDF

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

DFGSDF prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2027.

dfgsdfgsdffgsdg

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SINGER/TV PERSONALITY MEAT LOAF RAPES MAN IN PUBLIC

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

SINGER/TV PERSONALITY MEAT LOAF RAPES MAN IN PUBLIC prophesized to be seen by 08-23-2036.

I think Meat Loaf will rape more than just one man in public. Meat Loaf is a batshit crazy motherfucker, so I believe it's a real possibility that he goes on a heroin-fueled rape spree. It might even become a signature move at his concerts! Perhaps he'll rape people for calling him Micheal, or insulting his family. These rapings will take place in bowling alleys, supermarkets, even on the fucking sidewalk! Meat Loaf will just ass-fuck whoever he goddamn feels like.

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NOTHING HAPPENED

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

NOTHING HAPPENED prophesized to be seen by 12-22-2012.

2012, and we are still alive.

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TEST

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

TEST prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2028.

test

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HEY

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

HEY prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2020.

Yo whatsup

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OBAMA SUPPORTERS DISMAYED IRAQ WITHDRAWL DRAGGING ON

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

OBAMA SUPPORTERS DISMAYED IRAQ WITHDRAWL DRAGGING ON prophesized to be seen by 05-18-2015.

Obama's supporters of his 2012 campaign are showing buyers remorse after Obama falters on removing troops from Iraq and as troops levels surge throughout other middle eastern countries.

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MIDDLE EAST RAVAGED BY OIL WARS

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

MIDDLE EAST RAVAGED BY OIL WARS prophesized to be seen by 04-01-2021.

The conflict heavy region of the Middle East entered it's 15th year of bloody, savage civil war. With dwindling supplies of oil-- the economic lifeblood of the region, countries such as the UAE, Saudi Arabia, Iraq and Iran have begun to struggle over the final trickles of "black gold," a resource which has more or less sustained the arid region for over 100 years. Furthermore, the massive water shortages the have loomed on the horizon for the last decade have finally arrived, resulting in famine and thousands of civilian deaths in rural areas.

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BETELGEUSE GOES SUPERNOVA.

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

BETELGEUSE GOES SUPERNOVA. prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2020.

Humans gaze in awe upon a 21st century supernova explosion. Hopefully this fills them with a little perspective of their place in the universe, and on the planet.

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MAN KILLS CAT SERIAL KILLER

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

MAN KILLS CAT SERIAL KILLER prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2027.

YES!

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STARBUCKS DONATES 2 MILLION POUNDS OF COFFEE TO STARVING CHILDREN IN AFRICA.

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

STARBUCKS DONATES 2 MILLION POUNDS OF COFFEE TO STARVING CHILDREN IN AFRICA. prophesized to be seen by 12-01-2011.

Kids gotta eat.

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AAA STATUS BACK, FOR GOOD THIS TIME?

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

AAA STATUS BACK, FOR GOOD THIS TIME? prophesized to be seen by 04-25-2014.

racists point out, it was a white president that corrected the credit rating

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END OF WORLD RECALCULATED TO BE EARLY 2021

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

END OF WORLD RECALCULATED TO BE EARLY 2021 prophesized to be seen by 12-23-2012.

smokin hot prohphecies and motherfs

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REPUBLICAN PARTY MEMBERSHIP DROPS 90% AFTER PALIN ELECTED PRESIDENT

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

REPUBLICAN PARTY MEMBERSHIP DROPS 90% AFTER PALIN ELECTED PRESIDENT prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2024.

Not that Palin would ever be elected President, but if she ever was, within the first year of her presidency, Republicans would realize how ridiculous their platform was.

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FAT IS THE NEW BLACK!

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

FAT IS THE NEW BLACK! prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2014.

Well, it just is.

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CRAZED POPE ATTACKS CHILDREN WITH A RUBBER CHICKEN...

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

CRAZED POPE ATTACKS CHILDREN WITH A RUBBER CHICKEN... prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2015.

The Pope has been spotted attacking children and small animals with a rubber chicken, there are reports of several dead and hundreds wounded.

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TODAYS FORECAST CALLS FOR FIRE AND BRIMSTONE

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

TODAYS FORECAST CALLS FOR FIRE AND BRIMSTONE prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2016.

it burns!

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MASS MIGRATION OF AMERICANS INTO CANADA

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

MASS MIGRATION OF AMERICANS INTO CANADA prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2020.

Because it'd be hilarious.

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LEBRON FINALLY WINS CHAMPIONSHIP...IN SPAIN

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

LEBRON FINALLY WINS CHAMPIONSHIP...IN SPAIN prophesized to be seen by 12-21-2012.

Former NBA star LeBron James finally won a Professional Basketball Championship--however it was not with the famed Miami Heat and Big 3...This time, it was won in a dramatic fashion against CB Granada...

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DICKS

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

DICKS prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2022.

dick in a box

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JESUS IS DEAD!

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

JESUS IS DEAD! prophesized to be seen by 11-17-2027.

No.

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MAN HAS SEX WITH LLAMA

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

MAN HAS SEX WITH LLAMA prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2012.

The llama is almost irresistible... but only ALMOST.

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WTF IS THIS?

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

WTF IS THIS? prophesized to be seen by 09-15-2015.

Idk what this is but yeah.

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TEST TEST TEST TEST TEST TEST

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

TEST TEST TEST TEST TEST TEST prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2025.

herp derp herp derp herp derpherp derp herp derp herp derpherp derp herp derp herp derpherp derp herp derp herp derpherp derp herp derp herp derpherp derp herp derp herp derpherp derp herp derp herp derpherp derp herp derp herp derpherp derp herp derp herp derpherp derp herp derp herp derpherp derp herp derp herp derpherp derp herp derp herp derpherp derp herp derp herp derpherp derp herp derp herp derpherp derp herp derp herp derpherp derp herp derp herp derpherp derp herp derp herp derpherp derp herp derp herp derpherp derp herp derp herp derpherp derp herp derp herp derpherp derp herp derp herp derpherp derp herp derp herp derpherp derp herp derp herp derpherp derp herp derp herp derpherp derp herp derp herp derpherp derp herp derp herp derpherp derp herp derp herp derpherp derp herp derp herp derpherp derp herp derp herp derpherp derp herp derp herp derpherp derp herp derp herp derpherp derp herp dherp derp herp derp herp derpherp derp herp derp herp derpherp derp herp derp herp de

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RON PAUL ELECTED PRESIDENT!!!

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

RON PAUL ELECTED PRESIDENT!!! prophesized to be seen by 11-01-2012.

In a wildly populist election, running on a platform of abolishing the Federal Reserve Bank and massively reducing our federal government, Ron Paul has swept the 2012 election!

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EVERYONE UNEMPLOYED!

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

EVERYONE UNEMPLOYED! prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2024.

No jobs for anyone.

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HEADLINES DISCOVERED TO BE MISLEADING

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

HEADLINES DISCOVERED TO BE MISLEADING prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2012.

As it turns out they aren't

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I DERPED

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

I DERPED prophesized to be seen by 12-21-2012.

he derped

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MAN MAKES SPELLING MOSTAKE

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

MAN MAKES SPELLING MOSTAKE prophesized to be seen by 01-31-2011.

The chances of me making a spelling mistake in a paragraph of text is abut 100%

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FAMOUS CELEBRITY DOES SOMETHING STUPID

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

FAMOUS CELEBRITY DOES SOMETHING STUPID prophesized to be seen by 01-15-2011.

news is full of crap like this ;-)

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THE HUMAN RACE IS ABOUT TO DIE IN A NUCLEAR APOCALYPSE

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

THE HUMAN RACE IS ABOUT TO DIE IN A NUCLEAR APOCALYPSE prophesized to be seen by 12-31-2037.

nuclear war has finally broken loose betweens Switzerland and Mongolia and we are all quite likely to die withing the next few days from nuclear warfare. Great news for fallout fans, not so much for the rest of us.

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TIME IS SLOWING DOWN FASTER THAN PREVIOUSLY MEASURED. ONE DAY TIME WILL SLOW SO

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

TIME IS SLOWING DOWN FASTER THAN PREVIOUSLY MEASURED. ONE DAY TIME WILL SLOW SO prophesized to be seen by 05-10-2036.

There is no way to tell. All clocks are relative and nothing outside our frame of reference is within reach. If it were it would appear as free unlimited energy, or the opposite, or a fluxuation between both. The one thing for certain is that since we can't prove it, it's totally ok to believe it on faith alone. When you are out in the streets screaming about the implications you can use any faith based argument you have heard before and freely absolve yourself of the embarrassment that the logically minded find so useful.

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DUKE NUKE'EM FOREVER FOREVER POSTPONEND

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

DUKE NUKE'EM FOREVER FOREVER POSTPONEND prophesized to be seen by 12-01-2026.

will it ever come out

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GOOGLE OWNS THE WEB!

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

GOOGLE OWNS THE WEB! prophesized to be seen by 09-01-2020.

We saw it coming but did nothing! From stop being evil to the worlds monopoly and dictatorship!

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PALIN WINS PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

PALIN WINS PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2013.

why not?

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BERLUSCONI IS DEAD

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

BERLUSCONI IS DEAD prophesized to be seen by 07-01-2011.

everybody will die, berluconi is old

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ROFL COPTERS ARE INVADING

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

ROFL COPTERS ARE INVADING prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2028.

Roflcopter goes soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi

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RUSH LIMBAUGH WEBSITE TOPPLED IN CYBER ATTACK!

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

RUSH LIMBAUGH WEBSITE TOPPLED IN CYBER ATTACK! prophesized to be seen by 02-01-2011.

With his outspoken views against Assange supporters, no doubt the Rush Limbaugh profit-center website will be crushed by hackers, if only for a few days.

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LOST GIRL RETURNED TO HER PARENTS

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

LOST GIRL RETURNED TO HER PARENTS prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2012.

kidnapping is hot

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TURKEY'S TAKE BACK THANKSGIVING AND ATTACK PEOPLE

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

TURKEY'S TAKE BACK THANKSGIVING AND ATTACK PEOPLE prophesized to be seen by 11-25-2010.

After years of people eating Turkeys. Turkeys will rise up from the bake pan with thermometer in hand and strike back at the cooks in the kitchen. Everyone will run screaming from there houses. Humans will be the other white meat.

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REPUBLICANS RESTORE PROSPERITY TO AMERICA

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

REPUBLICANS RESTORE PROSPERITY TO AMERICA prophesized to be seen by 05-01-2011.

The republican control of the House will mean that the jobless rate plummets, and general prosperity returns to America. They should be able to do this in approximately 6 months. I know they will not fail.

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PARENTS STRUGGLE WITH BACK TO SCHOOL EXPENSES

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

PARENTS STRUGGLE WITH BACK TO SCHOOL EXPENSES prophesized to be seen by 09-30-2011.

Here's another one from the it-will-happen-because-this-story-is-run-every-year category. Whether economic times are up or down, you can bet that every September you'll hear a headline like this.

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TEA PARTY MOVEMENT FALLS SHORT IN ELECTION

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

TEA PARTY MOVEMENT FALLS SHORT IN ELECTION prophesized to be seen by 11-03-2010.

I think the media frenzy to build up the perception of a House take over in November is overstated and unrealistic. People generally understand that we cannot move backwards in this country, we must move forward. The election will not be won by a giant talk radio club.

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THE CHURCH OF GOOGLE IS OFFICIALLY A RELIGION!

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

THE CHURCH OF GOOGLE IS OFFICIALLY A RELIGION! prophesized to be seen by 10-20-2013.

People across the world have created a religion based on the omniscience of Google!

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ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!!

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!! prophesized to be seen by 07-01-2022.

A secret corporation genetic experiment goes awry and zombies run amuck as a result!

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STUDENT WON'T PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG

2012-02-22T16:02:02Z

STUDENT WON'T PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG prophesized to be seen by 01-01-2037.

Every new school year there's some kid somewhere who stand for the Pledge of Allegiance. This might be lame, but, I want to cover the next event inasmuch as this headline isn't owned yet, and, I'm sure it will happen. I'm putting a wide prediction date on it however, just to be sure.

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